Thankful

Today was a nice day.  Compared to last year, this dinner, hosted by Todd and me, went much smoother.  We were more relaxed, and I managed to located some really good youtube videos that helped me create a terrific meal (hopefully, no one goes to the ER for food issues).   We entertained a small crowd, but I personally like it that way. 

I love this time of year.  The holidays are now in full swing.  The Christmas tree is up, and I am getting excited to shop for gifts. 

I am so thankful that we are able to look forward to this holiday season.  We are not worried how we are supposed to afford our gifts, as we have saved well throughout the year.  That makes the shopping so much fun.  We are lucky.  We know that.

Who knows what the next year will bring.  I know that being teachers in Michigan right now is not popular.  We are now feeling the brunt of this recession, as those around us who have been hit, eagerly wait to take teachers down too.  Misery loves company, I suppose.

But, it forces me to look at what we have and be thankful for the things we have right now.  We are healthy, and we are able to pay our bills.  My children are happy and growing quickly.  I am fully aware that there are many around us who are struggling to make ends meet.

So, as I enjoyed my Thanksgiving meal with my family, I couldnt’ help but feel a wave of gratitude for the things I have in my life.  I hope, as this year progresses and new one begins, we will still find ourselves happy, healthy and with our heads above water.

Happy Thanksgiving.

 

35

It is hard to believe that it has been almost 3 weeks since my last post.  In the past, I have been far more diligent about updating my (very few) readers with what is new in my life.  However, these past few months…very hard to do.

In a week or so, I am going to get my 35th student in class.  Keep in mind, I have very few seats left in my room (with no room for another table).  I do not have another set of books for my new arrival.  I am worried I don’t even have the time to greet the poor girl.

I am a very organized teacher.  I love what I do.  However, I am maxed out.  I have mountains of papers to grade, as I have not lessened my programming because of my class count.  How could I?  These poor kids have so many gaps because they have always been part of  a big group…so they are struggling.

However, this severely impacts my family time.  I am flat-out exhausted from my day at work.  I come home and make dinner, clean up and try to carry on a conversation with everyone in my household.  Before I know it, bedtime begins and I have only a little bit of time to get things graded for the next day.  That leaves very LITTLE time for the hubby.  Probably because I am falling asleep on my couch just after I quickly check my Facebook page and check out a couple of my favorite blogs (envious of the ability for their frequent updates).  Thus, giving him the indication I don’t want to spend time with him.  Yadda, yadda, yadda.

I am exhausted folks.  I am not asking for sympathy for being a working mom.  It is a conscious decision I made and I understand the drawbacks (and, of course, the benefits).  Perhaps it is because being in Michigan is a drag, all the doom and gloom.  Being a TEACHER in Michigan is down-right depressing.  Constant bashing about how we do not deserve our benefits, we work half the year, blah…blah…blah.

I have 35 students…at least I will soon enough.  I work my ass off at work and at home, and I feel like I am spinning my wheels.   I’d hate to see what happens when I go up to 36.

I need a vacation.

See What We Do in our Spare Time?

As if we have nothing else to do but watch our youngest respond to random “fart” noises on the internet.  We need to get a life…

Halloween 2009

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Standing Up for Herself

Mackenzie had a problem at daycare. Another little girl whispered in her ear and told her she had a secret.

“Ms. D. doesn’t like you. She likes me better,” said the little girl to Mackenzie.

Devastated, Mackenzie walked into the kitchen to find Ms. D. Crying, she told Ms. D. what the other little girl said. When Ms. D. asked the girl why she said that, she pointed to Mackenzie and called her a liar.

Mackenzie stood and folded her arms. She stopped crying and looked the little girl right in the eyes. She said, “Well, then I guess we will have to wait ’till our Mommies come and talk it over then.”

With that, the other little girl cried and begged Mackenzie not to tell her Mom. Ms. D. gave the girl a time-out.

Later on, Mackenzie started to not feel well. When word came that the little girl’s dad was on his way, Mackenzie summoned enough strength to lift her aching head and say, “Make sure you tell your Dad the truth!.”

If this is any indication of what Mackenzie will be like when she is older, I think she is well on her way to not taking anyone’s shit.

That’s my girl.

Answering Questions

My good friend, PGoodness, put this on her blog today. She had one of her favorite blogs ask its readers some big questions today. She was compelled to ask her bloggy friends to answer them, and then send a link to her so the author of the questions could read them. Since I suck at linking on my blog, I will tell let PGoodness know that I did what she requested, and I will leave it to her tech wisdom to get my answers back. She suggested that her blog friends answer these, as they are quite interesting. I also realized that I cannot read her answers until I write my own, as PGoodness tends to write exceptionally well, and I will be that kid in art class who can’t get past the awesome example and can’t create something new and pretty on my own…

Are you smart? Yes. I am many different kinds of smart. I am booksmart in the traditional sense, I know lots of useless trivia (and make an excellent Trivial Pursuit partner), and I think I am good on my feet, especially in a crisis. I am not the smartest person I know, but I can hold my own. However, I suck at directions, and my husband tells me that while I am one of the smartest people he knows, I am one of the dumbest when it comes to directions.

Are you deep? Yes, and some would say to a fault. I think very deeply about everything, and I have often been accused of overanalyzing things. I find that I am misunderstood by even those closest to me. Only a handful of people in my life TRULY get me. However, I find soul-searching fulfilling more than a burden, so I can live with that.

Are you funny? Are you kidding me? I am a fucking riot. At least I think I am…and a few of my friends would agree. I love to make people laugh, when I am not over-analyzing them.

Are you bitter? No, but I have become a bit jaded as I have aged. Particularly with my job, as I find it is hard to teach through a lot of the political crap that comes with it. I would prefer to consider myself skeptical in some situations, as I have been burned before.

Are you honest with yourself? I have grown to be as I have gotten older, and I realized that I do not know everything. If I am having trouble “getting real” with myself, I have a great group of friends who can and will set me straight.

If you see someone hurting, do you wrap your arms around them and tell them everything will be okay? Or do you think, “That’s too bad,” and mind your own business?I never tell someone that it is going to be okay unless I know it is. I am not one to wrap my arms around people, except for my kids and family. I will not ignore a person who is visibly upset, and if I can help, I try. Even if it is just to listen. I won’t turn my back on someone if they need me.

Would you knowingly hurt another person? If they hurt you first, would that make it okay? Would you feel bad about it later? Or would you ust think they got what they deserved? I would not hurt someone for the sake of hurting them. I have hurt someone, if by being honest, it would help them in the long run. Does that make sense? If someone hurts me first, I don’t forget. However, I do not seek revenge and would not think that doing something to get back serves a purpose. It only brings me down to their level. Now, I have THOUGHT about what I would like to do…but acting on it is an entirely different situation.

Which concerns you most – what other people think of you, or what you think of yourself? I have to live with me, so of course, I am concerned about what I think about myself. I am very reflective, and it is important that I can look at myself in the mirror and like who I see looking back. As for others, I find that I care about what those closest to me think. Experience has taught me not to get too caught up with every person’s impression of me, as it is too draining emotionally. Yes, I hate when people who don’t know me pass judgement, but what can I do about it?

Which do you cultivate first, your appearance, or your soul? I try really hard to cultivate my appearance, but I make the most improvements with my soul. You’ve got to deal with those things that you can continue to improve upon…and my looks aren’t so easy these days.

Do you see other people for who they are, or what they can offer you? I see people for who they are, but if they don’t help me grow in some way, they eventually fade away.

Do you think before you speak? I do so except in situations in which I am very angry…super angry. I often write before I speak, as I seem to have more impact this way.

Do you think before you act? Most of the time I do, as I tend to think about the consequences of my actions beforehand. That is not to say that I don’t occasionally act impulsively, but it really isn’t my style.

Do you learn from your mistakes?Absolutely, or I will make them again…and who wants that?

Do you own them (your mistakes)? I would like to think so. I do not pass on the responsibility if I am to blame.

Do you forgive yourself for making them (mistakes)?Being at peace with one self is priceless. Therefore, forgiveness is a necessity in order to move on.

Do you forgive others for THEIR mistakes? Depends. Who got hurt? REALLY forgive them? Do you forget? I may forgive, but I never forget. And, I won’t put myself in the same position to get hurt by that person again.

How hard do you work to present a happy image of yourself to the world? At home, I am brutally honest, and I am with my parents. With my closest friends, I don’t have to mask anything either. If I did, how would they be able to help me when I need it? However, at work, I am a big phony. Most of the time, I want to proverbially smack some of them upside the head, but I look like I am fine with everything. Maybe it is just because I am visualizing the smack??? Oh, nevermind…

Why do you do that? For those who really know and care about me, I can’t hide it from them…so I won’t. For anyone else, chances are I don’t want to share my personal issues with them, so I fake it. Any lack of happiness is not their business.

Do you dwell on the past or keep your eye on the future? I look to the future but rely on my past to guide me.

Are you too scared to change or not scared enough? Change makes me anxious, but in the past several years, I have embraced it more. Without making major changes in my life, I would not have some of the things in my life most precious to me. I honestly can say change is good…once I get past my fear.

Do you roll with the punches? I have learned that I cannot change things outside of my control. It is what it is. However, I would not say I roll with the punches all the time. I have been known to put up a fight or two. I also ask a lot of questions…lots of them.

Are you interested in travel, culture, history? Yes, I love to travel, and I wished I could do more of it. I am fascinated with different cultures. As for history, I love it…especially when the story comes from someone who lived it.

Are you open to to new things – even different points of view? I definely try. I was not a risk-taker as a child…too afraid to fail. I missed out on a lot. Now, I appreciate trying new things and taking some calculated risks. As for different points of view? I definitely think it is crucial in order to truly understand someone…and have a healthy argument.

Does it make you angry when other people do not agree with you? Only when I know they are refusing to listen to what I have to say before declaring their opinion.

Are you the life of the party? Uh, what party? I do not like being the center of attention. I like some attention, but not all eyes on me. I even had trouble with this at my wedding.

Do you have something to prove? If so, what? I want to prove to my girls, every day, that they are loved and have a special place in this world.

When life doesn’t go your way, do you do something to change it? Yes, after I bitch about it to my sounding board first. I do not accept the hand I am dealt, as that takes all of my free will away. I try again and again until I get it right, even though that can be messy.

Does taking chances scare you or exhilarate you? I do not like taking too many chances unless I have thought about the possible outcomes. I have struggled with the “risk-taking thing” my whole life, but I am working on embracing it more.

Do you see a positive attitude as a strength or a weakness? I think having a positive attitude helps make things easier in life. However, those wearing rose-colored glasses and see everything as “wonderful” are going to find themselves paying for a lot of therapy in their future. Cautiously optimistic is the attitude I take on.

Are you grateful for what you have? Most certainly. I work in a field where I see so much of what can go wrong. I hug my kids every day and don’t bitch too much when I pay my bills, simply because I can. I am lucky to be living with my head above water these days.

Do you appreciate the music, art, poetry, beauty, LOVE around you? I do, but sometimes I need a reminder to slow down and REALLY take it all in.

Are you a score keeper? Unfortunately, yes. And, it doesn’t do me any good.

Do you listen to people? REALLY listen? I admit, there are times I find myself thinking about what I want to say next while someone else is talking. Or, I may let my mind wander. However, I do think, when it is really important, I tune in. There is something in a person’s voice that says, “I really need you to listen,” as opposed to “I just need to hear myself work this out out loud.” So, I tune in when I hear that tone.

Do you ask your friends, partner, children, what they REALLY think about life, love, religion, politics? Do you ask them what they want from life, what makes them happy, what moves them? Do you really want to know? There are only a few people I have encountered in my life who I can have those really deep talks with…and be on the same level. Unfortunately, there are quite a few of them who are no longer in my life for one reason or another. However, I do think I take an active interest in finding out these things from those I care about. However, it is not easy getting some of them to open up about it.

Can you be quiet with someone and still feel connected with them? Yes, and it is a wonderful feeling.

Do you believe in magic? Ghosts? Love at first sight? I believe every magic trick has an explanation (and I do love the shows that spill the secrets). I absolutely believe in ghosts, and I believe everyone attends their own funeral. I believe in an instant connection with someone, and LUST at first sight. But, I can quickly tell if it will go deeper.

Soulmates? Yes, and I have had more than one come in, and sadly out of, my life. I believe we connect to different people at different levels all the time…and some people have a lifetime impact on you…even if you no longer see them.

What matters most to you in this world? My family. Raising my daughters to be strong, independent, loving women one day.

What value do you add to the lives of the people you love? Honesty, integrity, and humor. And for a few lucky ones, unconditional love.

Do you have integrity? A strong moral fiber? Yes, I have integrity, and nothing offends me more than when it is questioned, especially by people who do not know me well.

Think about it. Are you proud of who you are? Yes.

Wacky Tacky Redemption

I teach sixth grade because I remember what those days were like. Difficult. Girls were mean, boys were idiots, and everyone wanted to fit in.

When I work with my students, I try to remember how hard it was…and how I wished someone stuck up for me when the other kids made me feel left out or made fun of me because I got good grades. I hated the days the girls all wore purple because they called each other the night before…and I wore an entirely different color because I didn’t get that call. All day long, I was a walking example of who wasn’t included in the clique.

Yesterday, a large number of students in the sixth grade showed up wearing ridiculous clothes because they decided to call their own “spirit day.” One student started it, then decided to text only the select group who would be worthy enough to adorn mismatched colors and fuzzy slippers. The message got around, conveniently missing the kids who they didn’t deem “cool enough” to dress like them.

Forget the fact that these kids felt they had the right to call their own spirit day, I choose to focus on the fact that they decided to dress in hideous clothes. I watched as kids, desperate to fit in, dressed in the same manner. Funny, isn’t it, how kids will make fools of themselves for the sake of being “liked” by others?

What I also noticed was the look of rejection on the other kids’ faces. The ones dressed in normal clothes, unaware that they were going to be identified as one of the “uncool ones” for all to see. They just showed up, only to find that they had a visual reminder that they didn’t measure up (to what standard is the real question here).

That set me off. To both classes, I announced they had exactly five minutes to take anything wacky and tacky off. I rubbed it in a little more, with my scary teacher voice, telling them how they were in violation of district dress code. I said how strange I felt it was that kids felt the need to look ridiculous in order to feel good about themselves and to fit in. The truth is, no one at 12 years old fits in anywhere…not even their own clothes.

I found a bit of pleasure watching the kids who thought their idea to identify themselves as the cool crowd sunk a little lower in their chairs, as they slowly pulled off their mismatched socks and hats. The kids who realized they would never have to come to school again, the rest of this year, in the “wrong color” sat up a little taller for a change.

I hate that cliquey bullshit. Even as an adult, I still deal with it. I never grew out of hating the feeling of being left out…I just have gotten better of not letting on that it hurts.

It felt good to stand up to the kids who thought they were better than everyone else…even if it was 25 years later.

Changes

Feeling a bit reflective lately, I began to think about all of the things in my life that have changed in the last five, even ten years.

For example, I used to wake up to the annoying beeps of an alarm clock. Now, depending on the day, I either wake up two minutes before hearing my youngest yell, “Momma!” from her crib, or I manage to check the clock right before it goes off. Sleeping in is 8:00am. I am usually asleep by 11:00pm.

I used to occassionally enjoy a cup of weak coffee. Now, the stronger, the better, and it is a necessity each and every morning (and even after dinner most evenings).

I enjoy shopping for clothes more for my kids than I do myself. I used to have a running charge at the Limited or Loft…now, Children’s Place, Kohls, and JCP are the norm.

I religiously cut coupons and never pay full price online (I am the queen of online codes). I used to never pay much attention to sales or pricetags…now, I look forward to the Sunday circulars to let me know what to look for.

I sleep in pajamas. Enough about that.

I now know what kids and other parents are talking about when they talk about the Wiggles, Max and Ruby, and other such shows. (I can never made fruit salad without singing those annoying lyrics.)

I drive a minivan. I….drive…a…minivan (and love it).

I cannot imagine life without my kids or husband, and because of them, I have infinitely more patience than I ever did. However, at work, I have a lot less (not with kids, but with everything else besides the teaching part).

Despite the things I have noticed, there are some things that haven’t changed…

I still like who I am.
I still seek my parents’ approval.
I am still over-analytical.
I still love the color red.
I still love camping, even after breaking a 20-year absence from it.
I love my family…even though it looks a lot different than it did five years ago.

Change is good. Even though it can make one uncomfortable, it is necessary in order to realize the importance of the things you have, and even appreciate the things you have lost. Life is about discovery and stepping outside your comfort zone, which I didn’t realize until much later in life. Better late than never.

Let’s Go U!

Tonight was the night my daughter has been looking forward to.  Once a year, she gets to cheer with the varsity team while her Daddy coaches on the sideline.  While Delaney was too wild and crazy young to cheer with her sister, we happily cheered on Mackenzie (and Dad’s team who won 40-21).

Cheering with Brooke.On top of the world!

Happy to be on the sidelines cheering on Daddy's team.

Laney cheers on Kenzie.

Excited to get started!

 

Mackenzie, a Preschooler

Mackenzie officially started preschool this week.  Of course, she loved it.  She simply loves school and learning new things. 

Mackenzie outside of her new school.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Delaney wishes Kenzie luck on her first day.