34

I walk in today, and I face 33 students.  Oh wait, that’s right…an hour into my opening speech, number 34 is ushered into my room.  This is the largest class in my 13 year career.

Let’s look at numbers:

• I have nine tables now.  Because of this, I had to trade-in my horseshoe reading table for a smaller rectangular one (because I have no space to move around).
• I do not have enough cubbies for my kids.  I had to stack two random milk crates in order to have two places for my students to put away their books.
• I do not have enough mailboxes, so I have to use old paper trays to make up for my last two students.
• I was two math books short.
• I average 28 kids per year.  Six more students means that I have approximately 24 more papers a day to grade (which is basically an entire class set a day) and over 100 papers more a week to grade.
• I do not have enough conference time slots available in the assigned conference nights, so I have to have an additional half day set aside.
• If I were able to individualized attention to every child in my room, I would only be able to give 12 minutes to each student.

Here is the thing.  I can handle 34 students, but if it were my child in that classroom, I would not tolerate it.  It is way too big of a class to give struggling students extra attention.

This group has been labeled “low.”  Duh…  They have been stuck in large classes throughout their years at my school (67 kids squeezed into 2 classes).  There are not enough classes to truly break up cliques, discipline problems, and academic concerns.  If you are not careful, there are days you might potentially forget to talk to a student.

I hope my district does the right thing and creates a new section this week.  Yes, it will cause major parent problems because classes are switched around.  However, in the long run, kids are better off.  If one of my girls is in a classroom this large, you would bet that I would sound off.

From a teacher’s point of view…never allow your child to remain in a class larger than 30.  It is too easy to get lost.

Delaney’s 2nd Birthday Party

Thanks to all of our friends and family who helped us celebrate Delaney’s 2nd birthday.  She is loved.

Riding her new tricycle (pretty well).

A pro at opening her gifts.

The latest family photo.

Thoroughly enjoying her birthday cake!!!

Detroit Zoo 2009

This year was great, as Delaney was old enough to truly enjoy her trip to the zoo.  Both girls loved checking out the animals.

The annual turtle photo.

The dinosaur exhibit got this reaction a lot.

Outside the amphibian house.

Inside the Butterfly House.

A Break from the Worry, For Now

Today was a good day.  First of all, I met with the Livin Lite people.  They came up from Indiana to pick up and repair my camper (which was damaged by the dealership).  Basically, it is being rebuilt from the box up, and to top it all off, we are getting some of the 2010 upgrades for free.  So, it looks like this issue is about resolved.  We’ll know for sure after our first good rain during our next camping trip.

Second, our house is being serviced by our builder.  After several emails and lots of pictures, my builder (after 5 years) is coming out to investigate why my boards on my house rot at a rapid pace (duh, can you say improper installation of siding/flashing?) and to inspect my roof (which has one truss slightly out of allignment…not structurally significant, but an eye sore to us left-brained folks).  They have also agreed to reinstall some of my siding (all along the bottom) which was not installed according to James Hardie instructions.  Nice.  While I have the structural engineer out here to look at the roof, I am hoping that he will sneak a peak at the two/three cracks in my foundation (still skinny, but it doesn’t hurt to get an expert opinion).  If I read about cracks online, some are saying “cosmetic,” while other paint doom and gloom.  Great, just what I need.  So, maybe they can give me peace of mind that my house is not falling down.  Since I am back to work on Tuesday (ugh!), my dad will be here.  It will be nice to have someone do all the talking and taking on this issue for me in my absence.  He is quite knowledgeable about house stuff…and I feel like he will have our back.

Lastly,  I am not someone who shops to feel better.  That is a mighty expensive form of therapy.  However, I was able to escape and shop with my mom at our “annual back to school” trip.  And, it was exactly the therapy I needed.  We shopped for Delaney’s birthday, Mackenzie’s return to school (who, by the way, was hooked up by her other Grandma too…so she is stylin’ for fall), and even added some nice additions to my wardrobe.  I was touched that my Mom, who is noticeably uncomfortable (hips/legs hurt when she walks), still trudged through the stores with me and helped me put things together to make a couple cute outfits.  Just when I thought I had lost my touch (I mean, I have been putting  outfits together from Crazy 8 and Children’s Place these past few years, not from adult stores), I was revived with the help of a very nice salesperson.  I walked away feeling so much better, as it was just the pick-me-up I needed.  Now, I am inspired to clean out (gut) my closet.  Ultimately, I guess I just needed my Mom to help me feel better.  Do we ever grow out of that?

I still have things to take care of here before school.  Basically, in the next couple of weeks, I have to get my house fixed (water issues) IN TIME for painters to do my entire exterior (OUCH), lift my sinking driveway slabs (got a great deal), get some of my windows fixed, install new weatherstripping around my doors, get my door installer out here to verify that my storm door needs replacement (as per the warranty), and pray that no one is too concerned with my few basement cracks.

Despite all these stresses, I got a break today for four hours.  Dad is taking care of my HOUSE ISSUES on Tuesday, while Mom took care of ME today.

I knew I needed a break from my worries, but I guess I didn’t realize how much until now.

Trying to Hang In There

I have been away a while, as I have been busy trying to get issues with this house resolved.  Between that and trying to devote more time with the girls (which has not been easy with all the bullshit), I am run ragged.

Since my last post, here are the negative things that have transpired (all within two weeks):

• The roof does have a bend in the ridge.  It is considered “cosmetic,” but it pisses me off.  It appears one truss was placed improperly, slightly off center, which gives the appearance of a dip in my roof.  Sweet.  Now we are talking to our builder about what to do about it.
• There was water leaking into my house near a window in our kitchen.  It appear that failed caulk above the window was the culprit, and the hard rain was all it needed to enter the house.  Very unsettling.  The window guy came and caulked above the window.
• Another trim board failed…miserably.  The builder saw it today and is wondering why it failed where it did.  Looks like it will be pulled off to see why it went.
• The AC went out
• The French Drain in front of our garage is clogged.  I spent most of the afternoon up to my elbows cleaning out five years of muck, but it is now “clean.”
• The driveway needs repair.  It is sinking, and we need to level it out.
• My linoleum turned yellow under a rug, and I could not get it bleached out.
• I discovered a crack in my storm door and it leaks.
• I will have 33 kids in my class this school year.
• I just found out that my parents from last year spent over $700 on a ridiculous “memory book” and never cleared the amount with us.  So, we start the year with a drained account.

So, to show all of you that I am not overly negative, I have decided to share some positive things that have occurred:

• Laney fits into a pair of real Levis.  They look adorable on her, and it is the first real pair of jeans she has been able to wear in 18 months.
• My builder, after five years, is coming out to investigate and solve my water/roofing issues.  Thank goodness for a 10 year warranty.
• I was able to clean the house tonight so I can hang out with my girls tomorrow…without feeling like I need to be doing something.
• My lymph nodes that I was worried about are benign.
• I have awesome neighbors who let me vent about my house issues and in exchange, they help prune my trees.
• My daughters have two sets of grandparents that adore them (and a great daycare provider), and I am thankful for the fact that I know they will be in good hands this upcoming school year.  No daycare worries this year.
• My window did not leak onto the floor today.
• My cracked storm door has a lifetime warranty.  I hope this crack “warrants” a replacement.  I’ll know more next week.
• My bathrooms are clean.

So, now my big worry is timing my repairs on the house with the painters who are due in a couple of weeks.  Oh, and I am hoping my husband’s team doesn’t get their ass kicked too badly tomorrow (and all season long), as it will be a long season if they do.

Please send me good vibes…I need them.  I need a change in luck.

What’s My Deal (Or Theirs)?

I should be enjoying a summer of no work.  Enjoying time with my kids.  Kicking back, relaxing and refreshing for a new school year.

I wish that were the way it was.  Nope, it has been a constant issue…one after another.  I just can’t get my shit together, and I am beginning to wonder, What’s my deal?

My house.  It seems it is one headache after another.  I walk around it, and I find something else to fix.  I worry that if one small thing is not addressed, it will snowball into something bigger.  For example, I have one curled shingle, so automatically I think, “My house is not adequately ventilated in the attic,” and I look at everyone else’s house to see if they have a curled shingle.  I know it is fine, because the last honest person my builder hired (and subsequently fired) was in my knee-wall to check for proper insulation and ventilation to solve a prior heating/cooling issue.     It is ONE damn shingle, after five years.   Another example?  One window won’t drain properly, and I think, “Will this back up into my siding and ruin my window like my neighbor down the street?” Not likely, since I just have to keep the weep holes clean (thanks Meagan).  I just find little things and wonder if it is a sign of something disastrous.  Yet, my husband blows off nearly every issue I uncover (a little too much, as I know he wants to move…but we will have to sell it and get an INSPECTION one day, you see?).    I swear, I am partly this way because it seems that people cannot get the job done right the first time!   And, here is another stress….I do not know how to fix a lot of house things.  My husband really doesn’t either.  My dad, who used to be able to fix just about anything, no longer has the physical capability to do it.  And, I feel guilty asking my neighbor for help for two reasons:    He works hard all week and has his own house to maintain, and I know it is a slap in my husband’s male ego to ask another guy for help.  So, I have this pit that every time there is a problem, as I think it is going to cost us thousands.  And, if I try it myself, I am afraid of screwing it up and having to pay more to have someone come in and fix what I have done.

I am a perfectionist…to a fault.  It keeps me up at night when I see something that needs attention.  And, I never trust that anyone else can do the job right.   My builder is a perfect example, as they made many mistakes that needed correcting.  Here is another example of why I worry so much…

My camper.  It started off with some leaks, but nothing that seam sealing couldn’t fix.  We take it in, and the dealership breaks it while putting it down.  So badly, I might add, that now the manufacturer has to pick it up from Michigan and take it back to Indiana to basically rebuild it.  The roof had a sag, probably due to the damage done to it earlier, and when it rained, it would pool and then leak in.  When there was rain forecasted, I would not be able to relax, and I was fixated on watching how it leaks, where it leaks, and what can be done to fix it.  The end result?  Me taking on the battle and getting the manufacturer and the dealership to agree to get together and fix the damn thing.  And, me worrying during our trips, when I should have been worry-free.  But, what would have happened if I didn’t pay attention and didn’t make an (pleasant) annoyance out of myself?

I have an entire house to clean.  I am home all day.  Why don’t I get it done?  Well, besides the fact that I have two kids and a football coach husband that is gone most of the day, I can’t.  Between feeding, entertaining (which I do not do enough of), and breaking up fights between the girls, I don’t have a moment to complete a task.  Then, I am fixated on another issue that uncovers itself (and trying to solve it), that I lose most of the day.  Then I feel unsettled and I feel like I let down my husband because he is frustrated because there is still a million things that need to be done in the house.

You see, I think if people started doing their jobs properly, and not causing those of us that are slighy neurotic very consicencious about maintaining the things we have, then we wouldn’t be wasting our time fixating on what is wrong.  Instead, we would be spending time off of work playing, getting basic housework done AND finding time to unwind.

In the meantime, I feel anxious and unsettled.  I feel guilty that I cannot keep up.  I am simply not enjoying my summer vacation.  And, before I know it, it will be time to go back to work, and then I REALLY don’t have the time to get the projects done.

I am tired, irritated and I am in desperate need to relax.  I need my husband to come home in a good mood and help take my mind off things instead of telling me why I shouldn’t worry (and making me feel guilty about it).  I need the people who do a job that directly impacts me to do it right the FIRST time (and take pride in their work).  I feel like shit and I need a vacation.

I take everything on myself.  I don’t even allow myself to trust my own husband to get things done right (not his fault, just years of others fucking up that doesn’t allow me to do this).  Then, I get bitter because it is ME that makes calls, talks to the people responsible, and it is ME who has to be the annoying one having to be persistent to make sure others do their job correctly.

I find myself fed up.  I don’t want to worry about this stuff anymore.  But if I don’t, who will?

Farewell, Goldie

We returned from our camping trip to discover our 4 year old goldfish, Goldie (formerly named, Bob), floating belly-up in his cloudy tank.  A victim of over-feeding?  Old Age?  Loneliness?  Poor filtration?  One will never know.

Poor Mackenzie, she fully understood that Goldie was gone.  She cried, and we talked about their “good times.”  I comforted her by saying he was in a “better place.”  She felt better, but still had tears streaming down her precious face.

The loss of her first pet.  It was a touching moment where I was fighting back my own tears…up until she seized the opportunity to ask about replacing her dead fish with a guinea pig.  You can’t blame her for trying.

Rest in peace, Goldie.

Harrisville 2009

We lucked out and a private beach site opened up before we left for Harrisville.  It turned out to be one of the best sites in the park.  We had a path leading up to what felt like our own beach.  It was fantastic.  The pictures tell the story…

Camp "K" all set up.

The girls and Fonzie on our Nature Walk.

Delaney on the beach.

Playing in the sand.

View from our site.

More from "our" beach.

Sisterly love.

The Secret Lookout from the paths behind our site.

Mackenzie at the beach.

Assault on Health Care

I have had a pit in my stomach for some time now.  Anxiety, as I watched us sink lower into a recession,  knowing that my benefits would not survive an attack of some sort.  Well, it is here.  His name is Andy Dillon.  The pit in my stomach justified.

I have been in education for 13 years.  I have watched my health care benefits change during this time, but thankful that for the most part, they have remained intact.  I have watched my raises shrink, as we have made concessions to keep our medical care, and I have done so without too much complaining.  I am a mother of two, and I realize how precious our insurance is.  I, along with other teachers, have said that we would rather see our wages freeze, as we wait out this mess in the state, rather than lose our health benefits.

It is infuriating to watch as those who have chosen a different path in life make an assault on the health care I bargained for in my contract.  While I have read the reports that “pooling” insurance will save the state money, don’t be fooled.  Teachers and state employee benefits did not get our state into this mess, and fucking with our insurance won’t get us out.  I watch, as people who could NEVER do my job, say that we are not deserving.  Have they ever stepped foot in a classroom?  Have they ever experienced what we deal with on a daily basis?  Health care is the benefit that keeps most talented teachers in the business, as many would walk away due to the stress of the job.  Without decent benefits, what would draw new talent in?  Summers off?  Get real.

You have no idea what kind of impact this assault on health care would have on drawing in quality people.  Parents of young children, listen up.  WE are the ones, besides you, who spend the most quality time with your children.  WE are the ones, along with you, who have a significant influence on the direction children take in their future.  If teachers are forced to accept less in their benefits, how do you think that would impact the performance of the teacher?  Oh, you may say that teaching is a “calling,” and any good teacher is going to continue to do the best possible job.  Hmmm, I wonder how realistic that is.  How motivated would you be to continue doing your absolute best when the very people you work for devalue your work and feel you are undeserving of your benefits?

Let’s be honest.  Misery loves company.  Of course, people who have insurance that is far less desirable than mine are going to say, “Yeah, those teachers’ insurance cost too much!  They should pay what we pay!”  Again, people who have no idea what life is like in the classroom  WOULD say this.  In thirteen years, I have seen my job grow more complex.  The pressure to have kids perform on standardized testing, data documentation, and just the way we deliver instruction has evolved greatly.  For those of us who consistently get their students to score in the 90’s in all areas of the MEAP, to hear that that we are not worthy of such benefits is a deep insult.  It is the popular argument, capped off my Mr. Dillon, who sees a great way to cross party lines to seize an opportunity to be taken seriously for a future governor’s race.  Very convenient.  Target an issue that gets people fired up.  Of course people are bitter about what they pay for their premiums and deductibles.  I would be if I was in their position.  But this is merely an attack on teachers who have been careful to bargain fiercely for our benefits, and now everyone else wants everyone on the “same level” and have the same access to health care.

Let’s discuss the “same level.”  One of the arguments in this “plan” is to give everyone equal access to health plans that teachers and government officials have.  The most common “argument” is that bus drivers, custodians, etc. should have the same access to the plan I currently have.  This is where I get most fired up.  That is completely inappropriate.  I have worked hard to get where I am.  I completed my college education, I received my Masters Degree and hours beyond that.   Every teacher has credentials from an accredited university, as do high ranking governmental figures.  In a teacher’s case, we have to CONTINUE to get college credit to KEEP our certificate (at our expense).  Why in the world is it reasonable to say that those who have not completed the same level of education and training as I have, deserve the same benefits?  While I appreciate the work that our bus drivers and custodians do, I hardly think that compares to what I do on an every day basis in the classroom.  In most cases bus drivers and custodians do not have the educational background as the teaching professionals, and say, the Governor.  It is an insult to say that I deserve to be in the same “pool”  based on our job descriptions, responsibilities and level of education alone.

I guess it is human nature that when someone is hurting, we want to make everyone else feel the same pain we are experiencing.  We want to go after the Quick Fix that will make things better for now.  We want to feel like everyone else is in the same boat.  This issue, however, is not going to give people the relief they think it will provide.  It will impact the work quality of those who are truly influential in the lives of our children.  It will impact the quality of people who seek a future in this profession.  Without strong benefits to equal out the salary that has seen fewer and fewer raises over time, what is the draw to those that would make the best educators in our classrooms?  What is the motivation for current teachers to continue to bust their asses to give our kids the best education they can (when they are under attack)?

There was a reason, some time ago, that this state supported the type of system we have now.  We wanted the best of the best to walk into our classrooms and work with our children.  The state knew how important it was to have an incentive for intelligent and motivated people to take on the mission to educate our future.  I wonder what the state now plans on doing to inspire young people to take up this “calling.”  I can tell you, I am in the trenches every day, and where the state is heading, this move could severely impact the quality of public education.  I have never seen a plan, one that plans on making people continue to work just as hard for less, succeed.

Think about that.

Wonder Nut?

Keep in mind, I am fully aware of just how wrong it is to photograph my dog’s, ummm…nut?  But look for yourself…

He was neutered this week.  I was under the impression that when a male dog is neutered, his, um, balls were removed.  But, there it is…a very definite ball.  Much smaller, without a doubt, but definitely “ball-like.”  I was discussing this with my neighbor, Meagan, tonight.  It was brought up that perhaps they leave him something behind to boost his self-esteem.  Maybe, it is detrimental to a dog NOT to have a ball to lick (just as it would be for a man not to have one, preferably two, to grab and rearrange).

So, as promised to my neighbor, I actually am exploiting my dog and his Wonder Nut, as I am quite honestly a bit intrigued and perplexed.  However, if it makes Fonzie hold his head up a little higher after his surgery, then kudos to the male vet that left him a bit of dignity.